The Power Of Letting Go ► Explained With Dark Souls

How do you stay 100% committed to something but still be ready to change your expectations at any time? I used to be really frustrated when things didn’t go my way, but I learned how to flow around my expectations through the game Dark Souls. Commit to the process, not the outcome. If you tie yourself too tightly to the specific result, then when the reality shifts, it feels like a failure. Instead, you got to be 100% committed to just showing up and trying

And adjusting. I feel like so many times this problem still gets me because without even realizing it, I set expectations in my head and then when it doesn’t work out, it’s like I stay stuck thinking about where I was supposed to go rather than just readjusting slightly so that things can be like better overall. Like I remember for my final project in college, I still think it would have been better to just follow what I wanted to do, but instead we

Changed our stuff like what the plan was and then instead of just moving on, I wasn’t even working on anything anymore. I was just angry and thinking about what we should have done instead of just making the project good anyway. Or like when I say to my girl that we’re going to go meet each other at 1:00, but then I’m almost there and she says that she might reach closer to two. It made me angry and instead of trying to think

Reasonably and just make a new plan, maybe even a better one, I just stayed angry like not even hoping for a solution, just wishing that it never happened and everything had gone my way. I think of the times when I’m having a conversation with someone and then I get abruptly taken to a brand new topic of conversation when I was just talking about something else. Even when the person who interrupted me is like, “What were you saying?” They really do want to

Hear what I was saying. I just feel like I can’t even talk anymore. I don’t I don’t want to talk. But the pattern with these occurrences is that when my expectation, my reality gets shifted. I linger on what should have been instead of just readjusting and focusing on what is now. Maybe you can relate. Like you plan something and then the plan changes all of a sudden and then you get stuck thinking like we should have been doing

The other thing. You just can’t stop thinking about it and it like makes you kind of frustrated. you blow up a small inconvenience into a bigger problem. Not because of what happened, but because you couldn’t let go of what should have happened. But what I’ve learned is that the process matters more than the outcome. I think the process has always been more important than the outcome. That truth has always been right in front of our eyes. That’s why people say

The cliche, it’s the journey, not the destination. But it’s actually true because when you get there, it’s like, meh, I was having more fun in the pursuit. Think about Dark Souls, like the really good boss fights that everyone loves. The music is crazy and the attacks are wild and you’re like, “Holy wow, this is cool.” And then, at least for me, you get the last hit on the boss and like, it doesn’t even do anything cool. It’s not

Like other games where you kill the boss and a bunch of gold coins pop out of his butt and they all go into you and it’s super satisfying. Killing a boss in Dark Souls is kind of anticlimactic actually, if you ask me. One second you’re like sweating bullets and like the music is crazy and you’re like so close to winning and then in an instant the boss has already disappeared like dissolved like the body is not even there like oh

Yeah that was fun. People work hard to like make a successful business grow their business do everything like work what works what doesn’t work we’re only going to do what works get rid of everything else keep making progress make the business better. But then once the person has completed the mission of making the successful business, it’s like, “Oh, now I’m sitting on my throne of money. That was fun.” I guess the process is what you want to focus on

Because in the process, you’re always learning and having fun and making mistakes, but growing because of them and and making progress, you know? And then when you get there, it’s like, meh, yeah, this is nice. But now, here’s the thing. If the process is more important than the outcome, then even the failures and the delays and the interruptions, they are part of the process too. Every problem is just part of the process. Which means that our job should be to

Just stay present and adjust, not to linger on how things should have gone. In Dark Souls, your goal is to defeat the boss. But what if the enemy does something unexpected? Will that ruin our mood and make us fumble and lose the fight? or do we adjust because we’re focused on the process that will lead us to success. We’re still focused on the objective of defeating the enemy, but we’re adjustable because it’s like we’re not so hyperfocused on that as much as

We’re focused on the process of achieving the goal. That’s what Miyamoto Mousashi was talking about in his book of five rings. He warns against lingering in many forms as it represents a weakness that detracts from a clear and decisive mind. He says, “Hesitation, attachment, and holding on to past experiences prevent a warrior from achieving mastery and responding effectively in combat and in life. Lingering in doubt is an obstacle to this mindset as it creates an unclear

And scattered spirit. The moment you hesitate, replay the past, or cling to how the fight should have gone, your spirit scatters. And when your spirit scatters, you lose. Presence is everything. And this shows up in something as simple as talking with my girlfriend. She’ll switch topics mid-con conversation. The old me would be stuck on the outcome of finishing my point and I’d visibly feel bad about it. But if I treat it like a process instead, I can

Stay present, listen, and still say whatever is on my mind. I don’t need to control the conversation’s outcome. I just need to show up fully in the process of being with her. Before I was 100% committed to the completion of the conversation and still like this is it’s just how I talked to my friends and stuff. I wanted to finish my thoughts and let nothing be unsaid. But maybe that isn’t always how it needs to be. We

Don’t need to linger or be afraid of anything. We can still be 100% committed but committed to the process to the flow instead of the actual completion. So from now on, I want you to see that the problems or obstacles in your life, maybe they’re giving you an opportunity to adjust and be part of the process. Don’t linger on things that maybe should have been but weren’t. Don’t linger in the past. Instead, be part of the

Process and be 100% committed to being part of the process and flowing and adjusting. And don’t be so committed to just the outcome. The outcome is going to come. Just like don’t worry about it. All right. Just focus on the movement toward the outcome and be present for those things along the journey. It’s the journey, not the destination. I want you to practice micro letting go. Lingering in the past happens because your brain wants to rerun what should have

Happened, but you can train against this. Build the habit of closing the loop immediately. Don’t even entertain the stupid small bad thought at all. Oh, this person doesn’t care about me and that’s why I got interrupted, so I should just shut up. Move on instead of keeping it in your head. Just don’t even entertain it and actually just let it go. I also want you to reflect forward and not backward. Instead of saying like, “Why didn’t this happen? Why

Didn’t it go the way I wanted it to? Why can’t it just be easy?” Train yourself to ask, “Given where I am right now, what’s the smartest next step?” This turns disappointment into forward motion. The shadow side of it is important to watch though. If you overapply this flow with the process mindset, it can slip into tolerating things you actually shouldn’t tolerate. If someone is always late, always interrupting, or always disregarding your needs, and you just adjust every

Time. You’re training yourself to tolerate disrespect, that’s not presence. That’s self erasure. Saying don’t linger doesn’t mean never feel frustration. It means feel it, acknowledge it, and then channel it into action. If you skip the acknowledge part, the anger builds up secretly. It’s good to train yourself not to blow up when your expectations shift or plans change. But you shouldn’t completely tolerate people cutting you off or showing up late if it’s happening chronically constantly. Adapt in the

Moment, but then assert boundaries after if needed. Don’t get stuck when plans shift or you’re interrupted. But notice the patterns and if it keeps happening, then something may need to change. That’s not you. That way, you’re not a pushover and you’re not a rigid control freak either. You’re the person who flows but also stands firm when needed. If you’re always attached to the outcome, then you won’t be able to appreciate what’s happening right now. You won’t be fully present with what’s

Happening right in front of your eyes because you’re still thinking about what she said or what he did or what happened 30 minutes ago. Your presence will be scattered and you won’t see that actually the problem is easily solvable and you can make do with what you have still right now. That’s what being a man is, isn’t it? Even when things don’t go exactly as you planned, even when things don’t go your way, you still find a way.

Doesn’t mean you have to like it every time. It doesn’t mean you always have to accept it. But if you can accept the circumstances and be focused more on the process rather than thinking so myopically on your desired outcome, then you will feel more peaceful. If you like Dark Souls lore and you like self-improvement, like philosophy and stuff like that, and you think the two of those combined sounds pretty cool, then consider joining my community. The

Link is down below. Don’t you dare go hollow.