Why Self Awareness Is a Curse ► Explained With Bloodborne

I miss when I didn’t analyze myself all the time, when things just flowed naturally, when I could talk without judging the way I sound and walk without worrying if I look weird. I always thought being self-aware was a good thing, but now if I notice my breathing, I start breathing manually and it just stresses me out. When I’m having a conversation, I’m not even listening. I’m just thinking about how I sound, how I look, how I’m being

Perceived. Now I struggle to enjoy things because I’m too busy thinking about how I look while I’m enjoying them. I hate that I can see every flaw all the time. I miss when I didn’t notice every interaction, every awkward pause, every small mistake, every little expression because once you start seeing those patterns, it feels like you can’t unsee them and that’s when awareness stops feeling like intelligence and starts feeling more like a curse. And for the

Longest time, I couldn’t even put that feeling into words, but then I played this game called Bloodborne and I realized the game had a system built around that feeling I couldn’t describe. In Bloodborne, they call it insight and the more insight you have, the more you can see. Let me explain. In the game Bloodborne, you’re a hunter. You go out into a place called Yharnam and you kill beasts. At first, everything seems normal enough. Like, okay, there’s a

Plague turning people into beasts and I just go out and take care of them. But as the game progresses, the enemies start looking more and more strange. Something else is going on here. >>

You look up and the game has totally changed. You start to see huge, terrifying, cosmic creatures clinging onto the sides of buildings just watching. But the most interesting part is in order to even see these creatures, you need to have a certain level of insight. Insight is a game mechanic and basically insight equals awareness. Bloodborne is basically a game where the more aware you are, the more you notice. The more insight or awareness you have,

The more you’re able to perceive. For example, in the safe area of the game, the Hunter’s Dream, there’s this doll that you can find just laying there. But once you get one insight, the doll comes alive, and you can actually talk to her and level up your character through her. So, having some insight is actually necessary. You literally need it to progress. So, it’s not all bad. But what happens when you have too much insight, too much knowledge, too much awareness?

You start to see things you actually would have rather not seen. When you reach level 40 insight, you start to see these creatures called Amygdala watching you from the sides of buildings. They were actually there watching you the whole time, but only now did you reach the level of awareness to even perceive them. You realize you were never alone. You were just unaware. The game literally re-renders its reality based on how much you know. Once you know

Enough, you start seeing the hidden horror that was always there. And now, you can’t stop looking for it. Now, you’re stuck on high alert, constantly looking for these things, looking to see if you’re being watched, if you’re in danger. And that’s part of the lesson that Bloodborne teaches us. Having this higher level of insight, this higher awareness, doesn’t make you feel smarter in a good, intelligent way. It floods your senses. It feels like you’re exposed to more of the world’s truth,

And the volume of that truth is agonizing and honestly kind of terrifying. And how can you even tell anyone else about what you’ve seen? For them, the building is just a building, a shadow is just a shadow. If they don’t have the same level of insight as you, they won’t see what you’re talking about, even though for you, those big, scary monsters are obviously right there. How could they miss it? How can they not see it? It’s like you’re

Living in a separate reality from everyone else. This new awareness feels like a curse of knowledge. It feels like everyone else is just living happily, and you’re the only one who sees the problem. Things are definitely not okay, and you’re the only one who knows it. I don’t think this is just a game mechanic anymore. I think Bloodborne was trying to tell us something. In real life, you need some insight in order to grow, but when we have too much insight, and

Insight turns into constant self-observation, then it becomes a problem. Think about it like this. Insight equals self-awareness. The amygdala, the big scary monster, equals the thing your awareness reveals, and frenzy equals mental overload. Now, let me explain. When you get too self-aware, your mind starts seeing things you didn’t really want to see. Not big scary monsters like in the game, but thoughts. What if they think I’m weird? What if I said that wrong? What if I’m

Embarrassing? It’s kind of like your brain sees an amygdala in the room that nobody else can see, but for you, it’s the most obvious thing that surely everyone can see, and that you can’t stop staring at. But in reality, maybe everyone else doesn’t have the same level of insight as you, and they don’t notice all the small things you think are huge. Like imagine you’re just walking on the street normally, and then suddenly your brain is like, “Am I

Walking weird right now? Aren’t my steps supposed to be farther apart? What do I do with my hands again?” You start stumbling and struggling to do something as simple as just walking down the street like a normal human being. And the dumbest part is if someone saw the way that you were walking, they would think it’s completely normal, like nothing is wrong with you. You’re just overthinking it to the max. You’re not even living anymore, you’re just

Watching yourself live. How could you ever be normal again when you’ve seen that huge amygdala on the wall? And how could you ever walk properly again when you’re too constantly aware of every step you take? Self-awareness overload. So, what are you supposed to do? What if you’ve already seen the amygdala, and now it feels like you can’t unsee it? Then what do you do? The goal isn’t to unsee it. The goal is to stop living like you’re in danger every second.

Bloodborne doesn’t claim ignorance is bliss, nor does it promise that the truth will set you free. Instead, it presents an equilibrium. Too little insight, and you’re blind, fumbling around in the dark. Too much insight and you risk being mentally shattered by the horrifying clarity. In Bloodborne, too much insight makes you more vulnerable to frenzy. Your mind literally breaks under the weight of what it perceives. This is the human condition. To study history is to inherit its trauma. To

Pursue self-improvement is to judge yourself before anyone else even gets the chance. To become conscious is to become capable of shame. But the cure isn’t to just start being a complete idiot and don’t be aware of anything ever. But the cure is to use awareness as a tool first and then return to action. The cure is balance. So I have some actionable steps I want to give you right now for the next time you feel really overwhelmed by

Self-awareness or judgment. First, I want you to just notice the way you feel. Okay, I’m actually kind of snowballing with my negative thoughts right now. Then, I want you to name what’s happening. My brain is trying to protect me by overthinking and analyzing everything, but it’s actually not helping me. It’s giving me mental overload. Now, I want you to try to just move. I don’t want you to get up and go be productive because most likely if

You’re feeling mentally overloaded, you can’t even think of getting up to go do something that’s going to take more brainpower. But I’m not asking you to do that. What I want you to do is the next physical action. Move your body somehow. Do 10 push-ups. Go for a walk. Get up and go make yourself something to eat. Action is what breaks those thoughts out of your head. Overthinking is kind of a trance sometimes and it usually doesn’t

Help you. But sometimes just noticing the way you feel is really all you can do. Some days you feel more light and free than others and you feel like even if something bad happens, I’ll still be able to bounce back. But other days it feels like once you’re in that negative feeling, like you’re stuck there. It feels like you’re in a constant loop of just negative thoughts and self-awareness and judging yourself. But that doesn’t mean that you’re broken or

That the thoughts you’re having about yourself are true at all. It doesn’t even mean that you need to be fixed. It just means you’re human and this is what happens to humans sometimes. The curse of humans is consciousness. No other animal sits there replaying something it said 3 hours ago. They did it and it’s done. But as humans, we ask why. Why did I say that? Why did I do that? And you know what? Sometimes self-awareness is helpful. If you’re

Unhappy with your life, the first step toward change is awareness. That’s probably the most important kind of step you can ever take in your life. But then the steps you take after that? If you’re constantly analyzing yourself with everything you do, then you’ll stress yourself out and actually make yourself not even want to take any more steps forward because you’re afraid of the way you’ll look when you take a step. Having not enough awareness will cause you to

Not even be able to improve, but having too much awareness will mentally torture you. But then how do you achieve the balance? Use awareness to notice what actually needs to change, then stop staring at it. Because your brain will try to fix things in you that were never even problems. It’ll attack your laugh, judge the way you talk, your voice, your personality. But those things might not need to be changed. Those things might just be you. So ask yourself, which part

Of me genuinely needs improvement and which part of me is just my personality. Be self-aware enough to notice patterns and habits, but don’t let awareness turn into surveillance. Don’t let insight turn into frenzy. And when your brain starts talking nonstop saying like, “Where are we going? Why are you wearing that? Will that girl be there? my breath doesn’t stink. You look so disgusting. You forgot to shower. Why are we walking like this?” Imagine that voice as an

Actual person standing right next to you. If this was an actual person beside you, you would be like, “Bro, shut the up.” The best way to deal with these kinds of bullies who have nothing good to say is to just laugh in their face. When you laugh, it feels good and it removes their power from them. So do that. Laugh in the face of your self-aware and negative thoughts. Actually laugh out loud. Try it. That voice isn’t the truth. It’s your brain

Trying to protect you from embarrassment, but it overcorrects a lot more than necessary. You’re not on trial. You’re not being watched every second. You’re hyper-aware, and when you stare at every thought for too long, you start creating monsters in your own head, and you start having these skewed perceptions of the world. But, if you can try to realize those things are only real if you make them real, then you can start to live your life without fear,

Without mental overload, without frenzy. So, be self-aware enough the things that actually might need to change, and actually know the the genuine truth. See everything as it is clearly in front of you. And be self-aware enough to realize like how thoughts in your head make you feel in like a like a mindful meditative way. Like, notice your thoughts, and notice how it makes you feel. Beyond a certain point, self-awareness won’t make you better. It’ll just make you more

Paranoid, more obsessive, and less of yourself. If you stop thinking about how you’ll be perceived, or if you look cool doing something, and instead just focus on doing the thing and making yourself happy, then you’ll just be more happy. Self-awareness is reducing your happiness because you’re constantly aware of other people and how you might look, if you’re handsome enough, if this hobby is right for you because it’s not mature enough, it’s too childish. Just be childish then, and don’t

Worry, but just be happy. People only judge because they’re afraid to do what they want to do, too, because of their own fear of judgment and their own hyper-awareness. Everybody’s got it, and nobody’s actually paying attention to anyone else to notice that everyone else has it, too. So, stop letting it control you. You’re not supposed to constantly monitor yourself like you’re on trial. You’re supposed to live. Insight is a tool, not a prison. The amygdala is

There, the big scary monster, the thoughts that we don’t like. We can’t unsee it. We know it’s there now, but you don’t need to keep staring at it. You’re a hunter, so return to the hunt. Take the next first action, and just keep doing your best. Keep doing the things that you want to do the best that you can. If you like Bloodborne and self-improvement, I have a new free community that you can join. It’s just

Going to be the link in the description. I also have a new course that I’ve made in my community. It’s called like how to genuinely fix your life but explained with Dark Souls. So, if that sounds interesting to you, too, then it’s just going to be there second link in the description, all right? No pressure for either of them. Just they’re there if you want to check them out. You take care, guys. Don’t you dare go hollow.